The Gourmet Toddler


"Oh, ham sandwiches - yummy!"


"What's this?  Ham sandwiches? How dare you serve me this vile filth, you worthless excuse for a cook?  Surely you can't expect me to ingest the slimy, putrid flesh of a mud-dwelling, snout-nosed animal encased in the yeasty, grease-coated offerings of some deranged baker?  The mere thought of letting that revolting offering touch my delicate tongue makes me want to vomit, and frankly, a puddle of regurgitated porridge on the high chair tray is no more than you deserve.  I demand jam, or at the very least cream cheese, and be snappy about it.  As soon as I can talk, I'm phoning Childline."


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