Sunday, July 14, 2013

Just the Two of Us

So, our big Month of Events is over.  NB has gone to his new Mummy, we've visited some family members that we haven't seen in around 20 years (I know!!) and we've moved house.  Phew!  Now a little time to just be the two of us before someone new comes to live with us.

Lots of people have been asking me how NB is getting on.  Well, his Mummy has emailed me twice and sent a few photos, and it seems that he's doing pretty well on the whole.  He gets a little sad around bath and bedtime - such well-remembered routines - but she's handling it well with him.  This was expected as these were difficult times for him during the transition.  On the days when she bathed him and put him in his pyjamas, his relief at then being brought back to me was very evident.

We did a lot of work about endings with NB, at his new Mummy's request.  It was important to her that NB developed an understanding that coming to live with her meant not living with me and OB anymore.  She made him little countdown calendar using photographs of us all, showing the days when he would see her, see us all, and then not see me and OB any more.  It worked well, and probably did help him to prepare for the big event. I did wonder if it meant that he was perhaps more sad in the run-up to handover day than he otherwise would have been.  Without this preparation he might have been happier during transition (although he might just have been confused!), but then the shock of being left would probably have been much worse, so on the whole it was worth it.

One of the most striking things about this last few weeks has been the hammering home of the contrast between the life that NB was born into, and the life that he will now lead.  I don't want to give too much away, but suffice it to say that NB will want for nothing in his new home - every opportunity will be opened to him, and every type of extra help and support that he may need will be readily available.  New Mummy's skillset, her passion and her whole lifestyle will see to that.  I am glad to have delivered that precious little boy to a person who I'm confident will provide him with the best possible chance at a good life, whatever that might look like for him.

Lots of people have also been asking me how OB is getting on without his little playmate.  This is a good question as the boys were together for long enough that OB would have no memory of life without NB.  Well, it seems like my plan of keeping us all very busy and entertained with grandparents has done its job so far.  He only mentioned NB a very few times in the days after he went.  Since my parents left us, he has mentioned him a lot more, but when I ask him where NB is, he can answer that he's living with 'new Mummy', so I'm feeling fairly confident that he's processing it all quite well on some level.

Of course, now OB has no live-in playmate, Mummy has to step in!  "Play wid dat Mummy!  Push dat car Mummy!  Sit down here Mummy!"  This is now the soundtrack of my life!

1 comment:

  1. Great post. So lovely to hear that it's working out. We've got some friends who foster and have no idea how you guys manage the emotional turmoil on moving a kid on after investing so much love and care. Yes, I know all the rhetoric and rationalisation. Still don't know how you do it. God bless.

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